Thursday, May 16, 2013

Allah knows best

It's nearing June 2013, almost 1 1/2 years of marriage life Alhamdulillah. Meaning that I have been neglecting this blog for more than 1 1/2 years now. Well not that I haven't neglecting it before, it just that life is super busy and hectic (work wise) nowadays.

I'm in Brisbane right now. My boss has assigned me to work on this mega project (bla blaa), at a very last minute, not to add that it is not my project at the first place. I don't know what his intention was. If it is to expose me to a higher role as right now I'm already a senior engineer in the department, I'm very pleased with that decision then...but if he just want me to look bad in front of the project team and partners as I joined the meeting at a very last minute notice, with only 5 days to absorb all the info (4 major fields with I don't how many sub fields they have), well I just don't care. I'm so demotivated these past few months. I'll get to that in a moment.

Few months after I got married, in April to be specific, I have been assigned to a new Division, to help the division to set up their own Costing section. It is a very interesting new scope for me and I don't mind doing everything..wait, I mean EVERYTHING all by myself. There's a lot of work (as I am there alone), no specific direction (as I don't have a direct superior) and a very high expectation from the management. To cut it short, yes I managed to handle everything and everyone really appreciate and acknowledged my advise. That can means two things tho; either I'm that good, or they just don't have a clue on what my scope is. Hahah.

By the end of every year, all the permanent employees had to do their appraisal assessment. For the past years, I didn't really care about my appraisal. As long as I got the "meet expectation" remarks, I'm already happy and thankful. But for 2012, I'm expecting to get a "beyond expectation" remarks as I said before, I did EVERYTHING all by myself..from scratch. The management of the new division is very pleased with my achievements and they were prepared to fight for my appraisal. But, the office politics in my old department is so bad that unfortunately, I was the black sheep for that year. Their justification was; I wasn't doing what others being doing. My defense; it was not me who wanted to do different scope at the very first place, I was assigned to, remember? Well, no, they didn't remember of course.

That's how I get very demotivated towards my work. I started updating and floating my CV, and Alhamdulillah I got a job offer. It just that, it is not in KL nor anywhere in Malaysia. It is 2 1/2 hours flight away. I am so prepared to leave the company that I have been with for more than 6 years. But, Allah knows best, when I did my pre-employment medical check up, I found out that I'm pregnant, and the company's policy that I wanted to join can't employ pregnant employee. So I had to turn down the offer. Tho it was very disappointing to turn down the offer, I was very happy with the pregnancy news, so does my hubby. But again, Allah knows best. The work load and stressful office politics had taken it's toll on me. At the week of 10, I had a miscarriage. I was so devastating of what happened that I took a very long leave from office.

After almost a month off from the office, I came back to the office with not so shocking news because I have expected it to happen since last year, but I never imagined it to happen at that moment. A very dear colleague of mine, my very best friend in the office, submitted her resignation letter. Can't my working environment be more devastating than this?

So here I am now, in Brisbane, writing my blog that I have neglected for more than 1 1/2 years, reflecting my devastating working year, and wondering on what to expect in the future. I never blame anything, i believe Allah knows best for His creature. I can just pray, praying hard that things will get easier for me. May I have the strength to get through all of the challenges in life. InsyaAllah. Ameen.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

welcome november

november is here..
that means i have less than 2 months left..

im more excited than nervous! :D

Thursday, July 7, 2011

pinky pink

I'm handling one Myanmar project at the moment. So I have to go back and fro like every quarter of the year. Maybe after this, once a month as the project will soon be in the engineering design stage. During my first trip there, I was so bored that I dont know what to do or where to go. There just isnt any place that is interesting (for me) to visit. But before my second visit, I did some serious google and I just found out that actually Myanmar is very famous with their gemstones. (How dumb am I huh?)

Myanmar is one of the biggest suppliers in gemstones especially rubies and sapphires. They are also among the best gemstones in the world. You can find various colors of sapphires, even in pastel shades with very reasonable price.

Since I've accidentally misplaced my diamond ring (the one that bf bought at Habib few years back, tho it's just a commercial ring, but still) at home, I decided to have one colored stone ring (just in case I found back my diamond ring, so I wont be having 2 similar ring), as I plan to have a proper (means: 4c checklist) diamond ring for my nikah.

Blue sapphire is not one of my option as I think I dont look good in anything in blue (ok memang saiko sikit) neither do ruby as dark red is not my preference. So guess what's in between these two stones? PINK!! yes, pink sapphire! but some people called it pink ruby.. anyway it is still the same minerals. If it is in a subtle pale pink, they called it pink sapphire, but if it is more to a deep rich pink, they will called it pink ruby.

So to cut the story short, I went to the famous Yangon Gem Museum, and bought my first gemstone. So there you go, my pink sapphire ring, that I'm going to use it as my engagement ring. Kalau Kate Middleton pakai blue sapphire, I ada pink sapphire..tak main lah ikut2 orang nih..kerlass kan?? ahaks!! :p

off the rack

i just bought a white chiffon, moderately beaded dress off the rack at Aseana by Farah Khan.
so can I say that my baju nikah dah siap? hahaha!!
well depends..kalau bosan simpan lama2 maybe i'll just wear it for other occasion ;)

Saturday, May 28, 2011

independent old me

i've dated my bf for 4 1/2 years now (Alhamdulillah) but technicallay, we've been dating for less than half of the duration due to his work nature..4 weeks dekat darat and another 4 weeks dekat's quite a hard time for me..not on emotional side but more on having to live and do things all by myself when he was not around..tayar kereta pecah, batteri kereta flat, paip rumah bocor, dinner makan sorang2, etc. but Alhamdulillah, I managed to sort my own life during his absence..which is a good thing for now i know that i'm actually quite a tough girl :D (clap clap for my own self).

but, dating and being married are two different thing..being apart when you're still a couple is ok..but being apart after u're getting married, tambah2 if dah pregnant or dah ada baby..perghh i can forsee quite a challenge there..even my mom pun risau if masa tgh pregnant nak terbersalin n hubby tak dapat balik..kan susah? but considereing his work nature, i have to accept it no matter what..kang tak bagi dia pi ke laut, sapa pulak nak bagi nafkah kan? he had tried to apply for office base work but takde yg memberangsangkan..either tak lepas interview..or gaji tak berpatutan with his experience..nak buat macam mana kan..hmm

orang selalu cakap kalau kita ikhlas nak membina masjid, somehow Allah akan permudahkan and permurahkan to cut the story short, bf finally dapat an offer way beyond our expectation..gaji yang on par with his old salary and the best part is..his office building is just behind my office building..syukur yg lepas kawin boleh la car pool :D

tapi bila dia dah sentiasa dekat dengan kite nih..mula lah rasa mengada2 tu lebih sikit..semua benda nak bergantung harap kat dia..terus dah tak jadi tough n independent lady..jadi needy n gedix pulak..ishh apa kes nih? -_-"

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

thousands steps to go

i've bought my first french lace..yeay! initially, i planned to use it for my sanding dress..but found it to sweet so tukar plan and gonna use it for my nikah :p
these are my two favorite designs..sekarang tinggal nak decide nak hantar upah kat siapa je ;)

Monday, March 28, 2011


kenapa I duk call and sms this MUA, tapi tak pernah dapat or reply? oh stressnya!

betul ke number dia nih: Ayang Kamell: 012-2723975