Thursday, May 16, 2013

Allah knows best

It's nearing June 2013, almost 1 1/2 years of marriage life Alhamdulillah. Meaning that I have been neglecting this blog for more than 1 1/2 years now. Well not that I haven't neglecting it before, it just that life is super busy and hectic (work wise) nowadays.

I'm in Brisbane right now. My boss has assigned me to work on this mega project (bla blaa), at a very last minute, not to add that it is not my project at the first place. I don't know what his intention was. If it is to expose me to a higher role as right now I'm already a senior engineer in the department, I'm very pleased with that decision then...but if he just want me to look bad in front of the project team and partners as I joined the meeting at a very last minute notice, with only 5 days to absorb all the info (4 major fields with I don't how many sub fields they have), well I just don't care. I'm so demotivated these past few months. I'll get to that in a moment.

Few months after I got married, in April to be specific, I have been assigned to a new Division, to help the division to set up their own Costing section. It is a very interesting new scope for me and I don't mind doing everything..wait, I mean EVERYTHING all by myself. There's a lot of work (as I am there alone), no specific direction (as I don't have a direct superior) and a very high expectation from the management. To cut it short, yes I managed to handle everything and everyone really appreciate and acknowledged my advise. That can means two things tho; either I'm that good, or they just don't have a clue on what my scope is. Hahah.

By the end of every year, all the permanent employees had to do their appraisal assessment. For the past years, I didn't really care about my appraisal. As long as I got the "meet expectation" remarks, I'm already happy and thankful. But for 2012, I'm expecting to get a "beyond expectation" remarks as I said before, I did EVERYTHING all by myself..from scratch. The management of the new division is very pleased with my achievements and they were prepared to fight for my appraisal. But, the office politics in my old department is so bad that unfortunately, I was the black sheep for that year. Their justification was; I wasn't doing what others being doing. My defense; it was not me who wanted to do different scope at the very first place, I was assigned to, remember? Well, no, they didn't remember of course.

That's how I get very demotivated towards my work. I started updating and floating my CV, and Alhamdulillah I got a job offer. It just that, it is not in KL nor anywhere in Malaysia. It is 2 1/2 hours flight away. I am so prepared to leave the company that I have been with for more than 6 years. But, Allah knows best, when I did my pre-employment medical check up, I found out that I'm pregnant, and the company's policy that I wanted to join can't employ pregnant employee. So I had to turn down the offer. Tho it was very disappointing to turn down the offer, I was very happy with the pregnancy news, so does my hubby. But again, Allah knows best. The work load and stressful office politics had taken it's toll on me. At the week of 10, I had a miscarriage. I was so devastating of what happened that I took a very long leave from office.

After almost a month off from the office, I came back to the office with not so shocking news because I have expected it to happen since last year, but I never imagined it to happen at that moment. A very dear colleague of mine, my very best friend in the office, submitted her resignation letter. Can't my working environment be more devastating than this?

So here I am now, in Brisbane, writing my blog that I have neglected for more than 1 1/2 years, reflecting my devastating working year, and wondering on what to expect in the future. I never blame anything, i believe Allah knows best for His creature. I can just pray, praying hard that things will get easier for me. May I have the strength to get through all of the challenges in life. InsyaAllah. Ameen.


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